Esca dwarf
by Chriddykins
Summary: Everybody's dead. Everyone on the Vione has died apart from the main chracters. Next one will be more relevant to Red dwarf, I promise.


A complete mess 

Okay, you should use your imagination for this one, it's sort of a parody of red dwarf, and well for whatever reason Dilandau, the dragonslayers, folken, hitomi and van are on the vione, and everyone else got turned to dust. And I will try and get to the actual parody later.

Disclaimer, I don't escaflowne I never will, I don't own most of these jokes. Please don't sue me, I'm poor and all I own is a mouldy pancake, please don't take away my mouldy pancake ):

And it's my first fic so be gentle (:

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Dilandau: I don't see why I have to share a room with you, you smell like a donkey's backside Van: Look, I don't like it either, but it was staying with you of Folken, and well, he has tried to get me killed several times.  
Dilandau: You're such a smeg head, I've tried to kill you more times, you know the whole revenge thing because you scarred me?  
Van: Well yeah, but Folken scares me, the lack of emotion, the clawed arm and he smells like rotten eggs.  
Dilandau: You both smell, don't you wash in Fanalia?  
Van: Well no, it's medieval, we don't having running water. Hitomi keeps saying I smell to.  
Dilandau: that's because you do, now get in that shower -shoves-  
Van: AARRRGHHHH! I'M MELTING!  
Dilandau: no that's just a century of dirt coming off, now where did I put my febreeze? -hitomi enters-  
Dilandau: Oh yes, now I can enjoy your sparkling company as well Hitomi: Why hello to you mr grumpy pants, and why is Van melting?  
Dilandau: You would be grumpy if you had the issues I had, and van is melting because of the amount of dirt falling off him.  
Hitomi: You mean he won't smell! Yes, god his smell was off putting, especially when we were… Dilandau: I do not want to here about your personal life. But do you want to hear about mine? Last night I had that dream again, the one with the big black shadows and the screams with the.  
Van: Ssssh c'mon hitomi lets go, he'll be talking for hours.  
meanwhile  
-the dragon slayers and folken are playing charades, folken is up, and he is stood stock still with his mouth open- Chesta: A broomstick?  
Gatti: A grave?  
Dallet: A monkey?  
Gatti: Dallet what sort of monkey stands still with it's mouth open?  
Dallet: A dead one -beam-  
DS: -twitch-  
Viole: Ummm a window?  
Guimel: A hairbrush?  
Miguel: Oh oh I know! A cat.  
Gatti: You're as bad as Dalet ;  
Random guy with glasses only seen once in a shot of Dilandau'spiffy throne: Milerna!  
Folken: Correct! Well done Random guy with glasses only seen once in a shot of Dilandau'spiffy throne Viole: Ummmm but folken, how was that Milerna?  
-all the other DS start to laugh and roll around on the floor-  
Folken: Viole, if you're to young to get the joke, then please leave before I do my Allen impression.  
-enter van and hitomi, clothes looking a bit dishevelled-  
Folken: Good morning you two -smells the air- hmmm Van did you know you smelt of Dilandau?  
Van: Yes, he made me wash, he's so evil, and he squirted me with some red foamy goo.  
Folken: Harumph, he wouldn't let me use his expensive bath things, he is evil. So where is he now?  
Van: Talking about his "issues" Folken: So he'll be busy a while then? -sniff- Does anyone else smell rotten eggs?  
Hitomi: No, that's just you, please go wash.  
Folken: Make me.  
Hitomi: Alright then -grabs some scissors-  
Folken: -ahem- I'll go see if Dilandau wants company Dalet: -stare at hitomi- You know hitomi, you're the only girl on the vione Hitomi: I know, I get so much attention -sigh- I'm so pretty Gatti: Actually, you're not, we wanted to ask you to make yourself look a bit better, then we might oggle you a bit. Hitomi: Hey aren't you all gay?  
Viole: Well kind of, Dilandau seems to think so.  
Hitomi: God that guy has issues, and I'm gonna pay, I say no way no waya, nah nah I won't pay. He sits on his ass and I work my hands to the bone… Van: Hitomi? Are you ok?  
Hitomi: Yes, but I like to sing the offspring.  
Van: Hey I don't feel to good, I think I ate something bad -makes omg I'm gonna be sick faces-  
Hitomi: I did tell you that green fluff was a bad thing to have on food.  
Van: Eep! I have to go! -runs off clutching stomach-  
-Dilandau enters nearly walking into Van as he runs off-  
Dilandau: Hey Hitomi, why did you walk off when I was talking to you?  
Hitomi: -aside- Oh I don't know, maybe because you're the most depressing person on the planet Dilandau: That's such a nasty thing to say -raises hand to slap-  
Hitomi: No, you're not supposed to hear that, it's an aside, like a soliloquy Dilandau: oh, well I shall just do an aside then -aside- note to self, burn things Hitomi: Well you just look crazy Dilandau: -aside- burn Hitomi Hitomi: really crazy o.0

Dun dun dun!

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-cough- yeah, pretty poor, I'll write "the end" later (the first episode)


End file.
